Having no sources of intimacy in your daily life and therefore resorting to learning as much as you can as a way to pass the time is such a sad cycle, every single day its like what can I become obsessively interested in this time to vaguely simulate companionship and a temporary sense of purpose that I know will eventually make me feel even more alone because even if I find meaning and enjoyment it is completely irrelevant to and isolated from everyone and everything else